Today’s guest poster is Samantha Morris – dblogger @ Talking Blood Glucose- life with Type 1 diabetes
My Own Little Bit Of Luck
High blood sugar levels scare me. And perhaps I find myself more terrified of high numbers that any other diabetic I’ve ever met. There’s a reason behind this fear, and it’s something I’ve gone into detail about on my blog before. You see, when I was in University, I was the poster child for diabetic rebellion. I wanted nothing to do with my diabetes, I wanted to be normal like my friends, I wanted to go out every night and get plastered. I didn’t ever check my numbers unless I was feeling seriously unwell, and when I did see those numbers they were up at anywhere between 25.ommol/L and 30.0mmol/L (450-500mg/dL). Those are scary numbers to see, and I didn’t want to believe them so I pretended like I hadn’t even seen them. I would eat a chocolate bar and not bolus for it, I would snack and not bother blousing, I would bolus for lunch. It was just a breakfast and dinner thing for me, and they were fixed doses – 10u of novorapid no matter what I ate. I would take my lantus whenever I felt like it, and there were times where I wouldn’t take it until 3 or 4am after a night out. I’m surprised I didn’t end up in hospital with DKA on more than one occasion.
I guess I was lucky. But it was the words of my consultant that scared me into action: “you’ll be dead by the time you’re thirty if you don’t sort yourself out”. Not exactly the words you want to hear at 11am in the morning before heading off to an afternoon lecture really. From then on I worked hard to get my levels to what they should be. I went to testing eight or more times a day from nothing, I tried carb counting. I became everything I should have been during those years of rebellion.
But then I was diagnosed with a form of peripheral neuropathy. And I found out I had background retinopathy to go along with it. Did I still think I was lucky? No, not really. I sank into a kind of depression when I found out about the neuropathy, it’s not fun being twenty one and having complications. My doctor told me it was transient, meaning it would go if I kept my levels consistent and so, I began to research. I knew full well why I had this, and it’s because I was the world’s worst diabetic, I didn’t look after myself, I did what I wanted. I was stupid. I found out thanks to the wonderful world of the interweb that my symptoms would calm down and maybe even disappear at any time between 6 months and two years. But I had to keep my levels consistently good.
So with work I lowered my HbA1C down from an unknown number to 6.9%. It’s stayed around there for a while now, mainly because of the serious numbers of hypos I’m having on a daily basis. I am currently fighting to get my hands on an insulin pump and am soon heading off to one of the top insulin pump clinics in the United Kingdom. And now, 7 months since that initial diagnosis of neuropathy the symptoms are almost gone. I get the occasional twinge now and then. But the reason I’m so frightened of seeing those high numbers? It brings the pain back to levels I never even thought I could deal with. Seeing numbers like that frighten me silly, make me think I’m slipping back into my old rebellious ways.
Like I say, after 7 months of hard work the symptoms are almost gone. And ok so it’s been helped a little bit by medication, but I fully believe that if I manage to get an HbA1C of less than 7% because of good control rather than hypos, then I can stop the medications. It’s been a tough road, but I am determined not to let this get in the way of my life. It’s taken a backseat now, and hopefully soon I can boot it out of the car!
Am I lucky? I guess in a way I am. My problems thank to rebellion have been few compared to some of the blogs I read out there by people with neuropathy. Many sufferers have a terrible time with it, and they’re not all lucky enough to have a form of it that will go away, that will heal itself with good control. I would still give anything to turn back time and stop myself from doing what I did, but I can’t do that. And so, in my own little way I am lucky.
Thanks for writing this and sharing, Sam. I’ve had that similiar conversation with my pediatric Endo in my late teens, when I was rebelling to scary high A1c levels into the high teens and at one time I hit 20. My doc said I’d be dead by the age of 21, but I improved dramatically. Went on a pump and got A1c down to 6.1, then hovered in the 7s for years since 2001. Have had background retinopathy and mild neuropathy, but it has come and gone away with better control. I fear for what may happen as a result of my poor control in the past, but all we can do is improve today and keep on track for tomorrow! Good luck on your end, Sam.
But not only that you are lucky.But you have something within you that is missing to many guys,your believe is not about complaining but accepting the situation and carries your daily life with it.Sincerely that state is in himself a survivor behavior,because our thoughts are very powerful,that’s why a good mind is also a good healer.