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The Feeling of Guilt at 3:00 AM

Last week I posted a VLOG episode that started out with a 3:00 AM low blood sugar that required my wife to go downstairs to get some apple juice for me. Unfortunately, the same thing happened last night. I woke up around 3:15 AM to use the bathroom and I instantly started to feel lightheaded, sweating a lot and just discombobulated (first time I ever typed that word).

I instantly staggered out to my work desk where I keep a bag of Starburst Jelly Beans (thanks after Easter sales). But they just weren’t doing the job.

As I sit on the edge of the bed trying to not make a lot of noise with the bag of jelly beans because I don’t want to wake up my wife, I hear her say, “Do you need some juice?” My initial thought in my head was, “absolutely I need some because this is a bad low.” But, then that feeling of guilt sets in. The feeling that I don’t want my wife to have to get out of bed, go all the way down the stairs to the kitchen, fill up a glass of juice, bring it back upstairs and then have to try and fall back asleep. I’d much rather her just lay there and sleep.

So, I first answered her with a, “no, I’ll be fine. The jelly beans should do the job.” But I ate 1/3 of the bag already and I’m not feeling any better. I need something to react quick! Juice is what’s going to do it. But, I still don’t want her to have to wake up and get out of bed, this is my low blood sugar, not hers.

starburst jelly beans for low blood sugarsThen I somehow started to do some basic math in my head. I had my pump off for dinner because I needed to do a site change and didn’t feel like doing it until after I took a shower. So, I took an injection for dinner, then took an injection for a snack and a correction and then put my pump back on and didn’t adjust my temp basal at all. So, I realized I had a lot of insulin in my body and I needed to feed it some sugar.

So I finally gave in, “actually, I’m going to need some juice, I’m sorry. Can you please get me some? Sorry”

If you could see the speed of which my wife jumps out of bed to get downstairs to get my juice, you would think she’s starring in the new Wonder Woman movie.

As she came in with the juice, Kool-Aid last night, I said thank you and sorry again. Her response is always, “stop saying sorry, it’s fine.”

But it’s not.

I always have the same feeling of guilt every time this happens in the middle of the night. If I can make it downstairs myself, I will, but some times these lows have me extremely light headed, it’s extremely dark, 2 baby gates to step over, it can be tricky for someone fighting with a low.

[bctt tweet=”I feel a sense of guilt every time I wake my wife up bc of middle of the night low blood sugars” username=”lifeofadiabetic”]

Even after I’m starting to feel better (which usually means I’m going to go high soon because I over-corrected, which I always do in the middle of the night), she doesn’t fall back asleep until she knows that I’m good to go.

This is what it’s like to have a life partner that’s with you through thick and thin and there for you for every low and also my short-tempered highs as well (we’re still working on those situations).

I’m not sure the guilt will ever go away, but the guilt quickly turns into thankfulness and appreciation.

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